Iowa Writes--Student Edition

ADAM GROMOTKA
Sprint's Invention: The Framily Plan


Dear Advertising Consultants, Advertising Consultant Assistants, Advertising Coordinators, Adwords Directors, Adwords Editors, Adwords Managers, Adwords Publishers, Art Directors, Artistic Directors, Brand Consultants, Brand Designers, Brand Managers, Brand Strategists, Advertising Account Executives, Advertising Account Planners, Marketing Specialists, Marketing Executives, Assistant Marketing Executives, Junior Marketing Executives, Assistants to Marketing Executives/Specialists, Office Drones with that "Big Idea," People entering "Make our Next Commercial"-type contests, Junior Marketing Specialists, Graphic Designers, and anyone else involved with creating advertising media, 

         Recently, Sprint released its new big idea, "The 'Framily' Plan," to consumers nationwide, and while I agree with the notion that wireless service should cost as little as $25 per person for unlimited talk and text and 1 gigabyte of data for up to 10 devices, I find the sloppy construction of the word "Framily" to be a harmful stretch of the power of portmanteau words.  In fact, I've considered a number of reasons why it is so dangerous to the wellbeing of the English language to make up catchy words for the sake of accepting a few more cellphone contracts.  I hope you too will consider the following, and I hope that you will keep working as marketing employees to uphold the sanctity of wordplay.

Dear Advertising Consultants, Advertising Consultant Assistants, Advertising Coordinators, Adwords Directors, Adwords Editors, Adwords Managers, Adwords Publishers, Art Directors, Artistic Directors, Brand Consultants, Brand Designers, Brand Managers, Brand Strategists, Advertising Account Executives, Advertising Account Planners, Marketing Specialists, Marketing Executives, Assistant Marketing Executives, Junior Marketing Executives, Assistants to Marketing Executives/Specialists, Office Drones with that "Big Idea," People entering "Make our Next Commercial"-type contests, Junior Marketing Specialists, Graphic Designers, and anyone else involved with creating advertising media, 

         Recently, Sprint released its new big idea, "The 'Framily' Plan," to consumers nationwide, and while I agree with the notion that wireless service should cost as little as $25 per person for unlimited talk and text and 1 gigabyte of data for up to 10 devices, I find the sloppy construction of the word "Framily" to be a harmful stretch of the power of portmanteau words.  In fact, I've considered a number of reasons why it is so dangerous to the wellbeing of the English language to make up catchy words for the sake of accepting a few more cellphone contracts.  I hope you too will consider the following, and I hope that you will keep working as marketing employees to uphold the sanctity of wordplay.
         Fortarters, there are a countlarge number of pindividuals in this counation who strugtrive lunderstanding to prorectly reawrite.  From collestdents to immiliens from Mexurope, it's cleavious that manyany peduals still nequire to wimprove on their vocabyntaxrammar.  In fact, with keenagers texant messaging more than ever, it's almost as if we're going backwards with our abilikills.  Inreating new words wnilly just because they sound catchflashy will only make the procesdure of estabreating a prorectly literate UStates harder.
         It's also disrudeful to the rootinings of our language.  It took over a thousears to shorm our langrules and the way we use them.  Makereating up a word to stand out is doing a grisservice to the many Gernchdinavian peoples who workuggled towards craftaking what we have nowday.  Part of the beautyllure of the Englishguage lies in the fact that we can inventords, yes, but doing so without prorect causon is just plain diswrongspectful.
         Finalastly, "Framily" just sounds stupumb.  Reatupid.  Harmflupid.  Apparently it takes a groullection of "Marketcialists" to come up with an absogarbage of a commercialtisement.  Hey, how many markecutives does it taquire to screwsert a light bulb?  I don't know, itpends on whethonot they've stepped on enough peopdividuals to reach it.  Whose dupid idea was it to prash two words together and call it smood anyway, huh?  Man, I wish I had a sweetketing job, making sixgures to spomit jarbage to the masses because my uncdadriend knows a gerson who works for a company, so I abused that conectlationship even though I have notalent.  Fucoff, ya dumasstards.
         I hope you will consider my reasoning.  The points are very simple to understand.  I simply want what's best for our beautiful, historically-rich language.  Considering how honest and respectful most marketing executives are, I'm sure you'll happily address my concerns.


Sincerely,

Concernedsumer

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Iowa Writes--Student Edition

This week "Iowa Writes" celebrates the work of talented University of Iowa undergraduates!


ADAM GROMOTKA

Adam Gromotka is a junior at the University of Iowa majoring in Communication Studies while completing an undergraduate certificate in Writing.  He likes cooking, reading, and the temporary sense of euphoria that comes from keeping a kite airborne for more than a few seconds.

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